Episode 8

[Big Brother]

Episode 8: "I do love a good strip club."

Just as the housemates had settled down for the eviction, they were shocked with a twist.

Porsche: Within just a few minutes, TWO of you will be leaving the Big Brother house! That's right, it's the fast forward night! There's no time to waste, so let's get started. Big Brother house, this is Porsche! Atrocious and Michelle, the votes have been counted and verified, and I can now reveal... that by a vote of 2 to 1... the eighth person to be evicted from the BBPearl house, and the fourth member of the jury is... MICHELLE! Michelle, it's time to say your goodbyes. I'm coming to get you!

~Saggy Vagina~
Michelle leaving this house was perfect. I honestly didn't know if I could pull it off but you've seen when I want an eviction to go my way, it goes my way. Just ask Lydia, Ragan, James and now Michelle.

When I want bitches gone at a certain time, they go. ~

~April Lewis~
Although I wanted Saggy gone this week, I feel like I still accomplished a needed goal by breaking up Michelle and Dumbfuck! I'm so nervous for the fast forward week! Ahhh!

~Retarded Dumbfuck~
Michelle was evicted! This was really, really sad, but I think the two of us felt it coming based on odd responses from Aaron and April this week. It meant that I lost my final two partner and was in a much more vulnerable position for the fast-forward. I talked to Saggy who told me that the reason why Michelle went home was because everyone feared the two of us had a final two. Michelle may be partially to blame, but I basically take most of the blame for not doing a good enough job of hiding my connection with her. The fact that she was connected to me probably cost her the game there. So sad.

The housemates don't have much time to mourn Michelle, however. With the fast forward eviction in process, they had to think fast!

~Atrocious Jizzface~
I survived my third eviction! Aren't I just the cutest little floater ever!? If I can win HoH, I am nominating Aaron and Retarded. I will then tell both of them: Fight for the veto. I'm trying to get Saggy's guard down so she doesn't play as hard. You, Aaron/Retarded, and April and I are all fighting to get you off. FIGHT FOR IT! If Retarded or Aaron wins the veto, April is going up, with the target in mind being whichever one stays on the block. If I win veto, I'm keeping the nominations the same. If April wins, and vetoes one of them, I have no choice but to pack Saggy's Bags for her. But Saggy knows I'm not going to put her in harm's way. Nevertheless, if anyone but Saggy or I wins HoH, Saggy and I will go up. If Saggy wins veto, I'll be going home. It's a lot to take in, but I need to be in the Final 4.

~Retarded Dumbfuck~
I feel that either myself or Saggy will be targeted in the fast-forward and go home --- whoever doesn't win the competitions. With Michelle gone, my plan is to go to the final two with April. I want Saggy to go at final 5 followed by Aaron at final 4. I don't think Atrocious will be able to win the competitions, so he's a good choice for third.

~Saggy Vagina~
Going into this speed week I'm nervous as hell, I know it's going to be one hell of a fight and my neck is more than on the line. Aaron had been talking mad shit about me and wanted me gone bad, like it's unreal, he wanted me out of this house more than he wanted world peace, this guy is crazy. So anyway, I tie my hair back, apply my lipgloss and I'm ready for this HoH.

The housemates immediately head to the backyard to play for HoH. The competition is called But First! In each round, Porsche says a statement about the order of certain events in the BBPearl house. The housemates must answer True or False. After seven questions, Atrocious and Saggy have the most points and move on to a tie-breaker, the result of which is close.

Porsche: Congratulations, Atrocious Jizzface! You are the new Head of Household! Atrocious, you will have just five minutes to make your nominations!

~Saggy Vagina~
When it came down to me and Atrocious I was shaking. Yes this was the ideal situation but I wanted HoH just to be sure, but the ghetto gods didn't think it was my time and they handed Atrocious the win, so straight away I dragged him to the side and slapped Aaron's weak ass to the ground when he tried to come near. I was getting ghetto but I didn't care, my neck was on the fucking line! So after quickly talking to him and following our conversations earlier in the week, Atrocious told me the only way I'd hit the block was if April won veto and removed someone, this was perfect. I walked to the living room for the ceremony spitting on the ground next to Aaron as he walked past, this idiot had to go.

~Retarded Dumbfuck~
The first surprise in the fast-forward came when ATROCIOUS WON HOH. It was trivia, basically, and I didn't have the time to take notes and was completely winging it. I felt that Saggy probably should have won, but Atrocious got lucky on a tiebreaker when Saggy, who guessed much closer, went over the correct answer slightly.

Atrocious talks quickly with Retarded in the storage room.

Retarded: I expect to be nominated.
Atrocious: You are, but you have to promise me you'll fight for that veto HARD.
Retarded: I will do my best!
Atrocious: You, me, Aaron or April needs to win!
Retarded: Sounds good.

At the nomination ceremony, Atrocious follows through with his plan, and nominates Aaron and Retarded for eviction.

~Retarded Dumbfuck~
So Atrocious won HoH and nominated me and Aaron. This was another surprise. Why didn't he nominate Saggy like everyone expected him to? He said he would backdoor her as long as she didn't win veto, and Aaron, April, and I agreed to it, hoping that he actually would. Still, being on the block for the first time in the game, I wanted to fight my for my life.

Right after the nomination, it's time for the PoV Competition. The housemates head back to the backyard where a strip club has been set up! A cloud of pink smoke materializes, and suddenly, Nikki from BBStorm appears to guest host the competition!

Nikki: Hey bitches, so, I know the majority of you were fans of me during Storm. As you might have concluded, after the show fame came rushing my way. However being the charitative person I am. I decided that now that I was famous I needed to make amends with karma, so I became a stripper. That way I could help those who can't get laid by showing them how someone completely out of their reach looks naked.

~Saggy Vagina~
So the nomination ceremony happens and Retarded and Aaron go up. This is perfect and exactly what I would have done, but before there was time to take everything in some fucking tramp walked through the door and is like 'Hey I'm a hoe! Time for the POV!' Like who does this bitch think she is in her fucking stripper outfit, I was disgusted. This is not acceptable in the ghetto. So we walk out into the backyard and there are stripper poles everywhere, as much as I am disgusted by this tramps behaviour I do love a good strip club.

Nikki: Here's how the game works. There's going to be four rounds. In each round, I'm going to describe a pathetic soul, who also happens to be an ex-BBPearl housemate. You must then search my strip club for a dollar bill with the face of that ex-BBPearl housemate. Once you find the right dollar bill, run back to the stage and stick it in my panties. The last housemate to do so in each round will be eliminated.

The competition starts, and to everyone's surprise, Saggy is eliminated in the first round.

~Saggy Vagina~
So the competition starts and I suck. Like I'm shocked. I was not raised in a way to do bad in competitions. I don't know what came over me, I think it was probably the airborne STD's from the setting of the competition, who knows but I was first out. Fuck this. I had to sit on the sidelines and watch this unfold.

Saggy and Atrocious can breathe a sigh of relief when April is eliminated next, quickly followed by Aaron. That leaves Atrocious and Retarded to fight it out in the final round.

Nikki: Congratulations, Retarded Dumbfuck! You have won the Power of Veto! You have five minutes to prepare for the PoV Ceremony.

Knowing that he was now safe, and expecting Saggy to be backdoored, Retarded speaks to her in the kitchen to try to get on her good side for a jury vote.

Saggy: Congrats! Oooh, we're tied for veto wins!
Retarded: YES! So I guess you'll be the replacement? I'll force a tie between you and Aaron.
Saggy: I don't know.
Retarded: I think you were the target to be backdoored the whole time.

~Saggy Vagina~
What Retarded doesn't know is just how close to Atrocious I am and the fact is I knew I wasn't hitting the block. But Retarded giving me time to save myself shows he might actually have my back in this game.

At the veto ceremony, Retarded removes himself from the block. Atrocious then shocks the whole house by nominating April as the replacement nominee instead of Saggy.

Porsche: You have five minutes before you must vote to evict either Aaron or April!

~Retarded Dumbfuck~
Atrocious shocked everyone by announcing April as the replacement. I wanted her in the final two with me and was close to her the whole game, so I wasn't voting for her. Aaron was my target, so I voted for him along with Saggy. This decision showed that I was right the previous round about how Atrocious needed to go over Michelle because Saggy was fighting to save him and that might be a concern. Clearly it was a concern; they were aligned, and this surprise alliance saved Saggy's life and made my path to end-game more difficult.

Retarded: Well done.
Saggy: Thank you. Now let's send Aaron home!
Retarded: Perfect.

The housemates gather in the living room for the second eviction of the night.

Porsche: Big Brother house, this is Porsche. Aaron and April, the votes have been counted and verified, and I can now reveal... that by a vote of 2 to 0... the ninth person to be evicted from the BBPearl house, and the fifth member of the jury is... AARON! Aaron, it's time to say your goodbyes. I'm coming to get you!

~Saggy Vagina~
The vote is then revealed and I go off. I grab my cup of water and throw it the fuck over Aaron and he starts on me, I have to yell for security I'm so scared. He then says some shit about April and Retarded taking down me and Atrocious but the second he's removed from the house April and Retarded come to me to make sure I'm okay. This round went perfectly and I didn't even have to win a single competition.

Porsche: And now that you have reached the final four, all punishments are over! Aisleyne, Brian and Drew, you have gained back your old names!

With that, Aaron left the house, leaving the final four reeling from the double eviction. Brian took a moment to celebrate his success.

~Brian Hart~
I won HoH! And I did everything I said I would! I played Aaron, April, and Drew like fools, then smacked them in the face. April's pissed, and I think I'm not getting Aaron's jury vote. OH WELL. You really thought I'd enter the F4 with an Alliance of 3? PLEASE. I almost won the veto, but oh well, I didn't need it. I wish Drew went instead of Aaron, but Aaron is a bigger threat, ANYDAY.

No one can relax just yet, however. There is still one more competition to be played in the same night: the next HoH Competition. Right before it's time to compete, Brian asks Drew why he decided to evict Aaron.

Brian: Why did you evict Aaron? I thought you were allies. Like uber-tight.
Drew: I talk more to April. We weren't uber-tight.
Brian: I was under the impression you and Aaron had a F2 deal.
Drew: No, we didn't. I was always closer to April, Michelle and Aisleyne.

~Brian Hart~
So, HoH doesn't matter. What matters is that Aisleyne or I win the veto, and cast the sole vote to evict either April or Drew. I want April in the F3 with me, but Drew hinted that he was close with Aisleyne.

The HoH Competition is called Days of Our Lives. Porsche asks the housemates a series of questions regarding which days certain events occurred on in the house. After seven questions, Aisleyne takes the HoH key and guarantees herself a spot in the final three.

~Drew Daniel~
Immediately following the fast-forward, we competed in another HoH Competition. This was another basically trivia-based competition, and my lack of notes resulted in a horrid performance. Aisleyne clearly had notes, and April may or may not have had notes but wasn't close enough on some of the days to beat Aisleyne. So Aisleyne won.

With all the excitement of the night finally dying down, the housemates enjoy the break overnight. But the next day, it's right back to business. Aisleyne gathers the housemates in the kitchen to make her nominations.

Aisleyne: I have nominated April & Drew for eviction this week. Brian kept me safe when he was HoH last night and so that's the only reason he's safe. Good luck in the POV!

~Brian Hart~
Aisleyne gave me a key, which means nothing to me. *throws it at a wall*.

We all know there's three nominees this week. The winner of the veto will take themselves off, and casts a vote to evict.

If Aisleyne wins, the power will go to me, unless she decides to switch things up.

~Drew Daniel~
I didn't really care about being nominated since my fate depended on veto. I felt that April and I would have both evicted Brian whereas Brian would've evicted me and Aisleyne would have probably left noms the same so I'd be evicted. I went to Aisleyne trying to make a deal for her to take me off the block if she won veto, saying I'd evict whoever she wanted, even if that was April. I was being completely fake, but I felt like I was in danger and could utilize whatever deal I could think of. I warned April what I was doing so that Ais didn't try to sell me out to her.

It's time for the final veto competition of the season. The housemates must solve a puzzle that when completed forms a board with clues. They must then put pictures of evicted housemates next to the two clues that match their description. The competition is a blowout, with Drew finishing well ahead of anyone else.

Porsche: Congratulations, Drew! You have won the final and most important Power of Veto!

~Drew Daniel~
When veto started, it was a puzzle similar to part of another challenge that I had already won. I flew through the puzzle and then basically guessed the trivia from the top of my head since I didn't have detailed notes. I submitted my answers and was relatively shocked to see that they were right and that no one else was even close to finishing. So I had won my third veto and quite possibly stayed in the game a second straight week where I was the main target.

Drew's victory was bad news for Aisleyne and Brian. At the veto ceremony, he did the obvious and removed himself from the block. As a result, Aisleyne had no choice but to nominate Brian in his place. That gave Drew the sole vote to evict either April or Brian.

~Drew Daniel~
I removed myself from the block. Brian was the automatic replacement, and he knew that his demise in the game was coming since the two of us hardly communicated during the game. He wanted me gone, and I wanted him gone. I just happened to win the battle by winning the key competition to send him home. So, I chose to vote to evict him and sent Brian out of the game.

Porsche: It's official. The tenth person to be evicted from the BBPearl house and the sixth member of the jury is... BRIAN! Brian, it's time to say your goodbyes. I'm coming to get you!

And just like that, there were suddenly only three housemates remaining in the BBPearl house: Aisleyne, April and Drew. But only two could move on to face the jury, and only one would outlast all the rest, and become the winner of Big Brother Pearl.